Why Can’t I Sleep? The Trying Trap
Imagine yourself snuggling into your pillow and feeling cozy, hoping you are ready to drift off. As you lie there, you first feel relief and a sense of comfort and warmth. As the minutes pass by, perhaps toy start to notice a little bit of discomfort and tension in your body. Maybe you start to think about the work meeting you have tomorrow morning. You hope you’ll be asleep soon because that’s a pretty important meeting, but now that you’re thinking about what it will be like, that body tension feels a little more present. Now you’re feeling a bit more awake. But you know you need to get that sleep, so you stay in bed and you keep trying to fall asleep. “Uh oh”, you think, “Is this going to happen? Will I be rested enough for tomorrow? This is really important - I need to try and fall asleep!”
If this sounds at all familiar, it might mean that you are falling into the “try really hard to fall asleep” trap. We all know sleep is important, and we all want to feel rested. It is completely understandable that when something is important and feels urgent, we try very hard to succeed. Unfortunately, when it comes to sleep, trying very hard is usually quite unhelpful. After all, sleep is the complete absence of effort – it is a letting go, not a gripping on tighter.
When we try really hard to fall asleep, we remain alert, effortful, and tense. If you are interested, there are many alternate strategies you can learn to shift your attention and engage your mind in ways that make it more likely that you will actually feel sleepy. These strategies include:
paradoxical intention - setting your goal as staying awake rather than falling asleep
mindfulness - exercises you can use to practice gently attending to your own experience in the present moment without judgment
breathing exercises - ways to shift your breathing that might allow your sympathetic nervous system (the “fight or flight” nervous system) to calm and for your parasympathetic nervous system (the “rest and digest” nervous system) to take over
imagery - developing an image that utilizes all of your senses to place you in an immersive sense of being somewhere safe, relaxing, and peaceful
gratitude practice - reflecting on and savoring big and small things in your life or from the day for which you feel grateful
These strategies are just some of the ways you might be able to shift from trying to fall asleep to letting go and allowing your brain and body to naturally shift into a place where sleep kicks in. An individualized CBT-I therapy can help you figure out what relaxation strategies and alternatives to trying really hard might work best for your specific situation. Contact us to learn more.